If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you already know how all-consuming relationship anxiety can feel. Maybe you’re in a relationship that matters deeply to you, but instead of feeling grounded, you feel constantly on edge. Conversations loop in your mind long after they end. Doubt creeps in about whether you said the wrong thing. Small changes in tone, timing, or affection register immediately, and your body tightens up before your mind has a chance to make sense of it. At its worst, relationship anxiety can make closeness feel unsafe, even when nothing is obviously wrong.
As a psychologist practicing in the DC metro area, I work with many people who are outwardly high-functioning and successful, yet feel surprisingly overwhelmed in their intimate relationships. Relationship anxiety is common, deeply human, and often misunderstood. The good news is that it’s also very treatable, especially when you work with a therapist who understands how it actually operates beneath the surface.
This is meant to help you better understand relationship anxiety and, just as importantly, how to choose the right therapist to support you in the DC metro area.
For some people, relationship anxiety shows up gradually, becoming more noticeable as time goes on. It might look like seeking reassurance and repeated confirmation that everything is okay, that your partner still cares, that the relationship is secure. For others, it shows up as persistent doubt: Is this the right relationship? Do I really love them enough? What if I’m settling?
Relationship stress can also take more physical or emotional forms. You might notice a knot in your stomach before seeing your partner, irritability that feels out of proportion to the situation, or a tendency to withdraw emotionally when closeness feels too intense. Some people experience spikes of anxiety after positive moments such as after a great weekend together or an emotionally intimate conversation because vulnerability itself feels risky.
What all of these experiences have in common is that anxiety begins to interfere with your ability to feel present, connected, and emotionally safe in your relationship.
People often dismiss relationship anxiety as “just overthinking,” but that framing misses something important.
Overthinking tends to be cognitive where you’re stuck in your head, analyzing possibilities. Relationship anxiety, on the other hand, is often rooted in emotional and relational patterns that formed long before your current relationship began. It’s not just about thoughts, it’s about nervous system responses, attachment patterns, and expectations shaped by earlier experiences.
You might know logically that your partner cares about you, yet still feel anxious when they don’t text back right away. That disconnect between what you know and what you feel is a hallmark of relationship anxiety, and one of the reasons it can be so frustrating.
In many cases, yes, though it’s rarely a single cause. Relationship stress is often linked to early attachment experiences: how safe, supported, or emotionally attuned our relationships felt growing up. If closeness was inconsistent, unpredictable, or emotionally charged, it makes sense that intimacy later in life might trigger anxiety rather than comfort.
Past relationship injuries also matter. Betrayal, sudden breakups, emotional neglect, or relationships where you had to work hard to be chosen can all leave lasting imprints. Even when your current partner is very different, your nervous system may still be reacting to old patterns.
Exploring where relationship anxiety comes from can help you recognize patterns that still get activated in the present. With that understanding, you have more choice in how you respond when anxiety shows up in your relationship.
Living in the DC metro area comes with its own pressures. I often see how demanding careers, long hours, and constant responsibility tax people’s emotional reserves. Chronic stress lowers emotional bandwidth.
When stress is high, the parts of us that feel most vulnerable, especially around relationships, tend to surface more easily. Small misunderstandings feel bigger, emotional regulation becomes harder, and relationship issues that once felt manageable can start to feel overwhelming. This is one reason why relationship anxiety often intensifies during periods of transition or pressure, even when the relationship itself hasn’t changed.
Yes, very much so. Therapy for relationship anxiety focuses on understanding how your anxiety works, what activates it, and what it may be signaling beneath the surface. With that understanding, you can begin responding to it in ways that feel more supportive of the relationship you want.
When that happens, relationships often start to feel less like something you have to constantly monitor or get right. There’s more room to be present, to respond instead of react, and to experience connection without feeling like you’re always bracing for what might go wrong.
Relationship anxiety is typically treated by licensed mental health professionals—psychologists, therapists, or counselors—who have training in relational and attachment-based work. What matters most isn’t a specific label, but whether the therapist understands how anxiety, attachment, and relationships intersect.
Yes. Relationship therapy often focuses on your internal experience of relationships, even if your partner isn’t present. Couples counseling, by contrast, works directly with the dynamic between two people. Many people benefit from addressing relationship anxiety individually before, or alongside, couples work.
Look for a therapist who has advanced clinical training and experience working with anxiety and relationships. Beyond credentials, pay attention to how they talk about emotions, patterns, and relationships. Do they sound curious rather than prescriptive? Thoughtful rather than formulaic?
Feeling understood in therapy isn’t something extra or optional. It’s the starting point that allows people to lower their guard, speak more honestly, and begin exploring patterns that are difficult to look at alone.
Both can be effective. Some people prefer in-person sessions for the sense of presence and connection. Others find virtual therapy more accessible and just as meaningful. What matters most is consistency and comfort.
You can absolutely go alone. In fact, many people begin therapy for relationship anxiety individually. As understanding and stability increase, some later choose to involve their partner, but that decision can unfold naturally.
Healing doesn’t mean never feeling anxious again. It means anxiety no longer runs the relationship.
People often notice they can pause instead of react. They can feel uncertainty without spiraling, and can express needs without fear of being “too much.” Relationships begin to feel secure as people develop more internal resilience. There is a greater ability to tolerate uncertainty, recover more quickly from moments of tension, and stay emotionally engaged without feeling undone by every shift or misstep.
There’s no universal timeline. Some people notice shifts within a few months, while for others, the work is deeper and unfolds over a longer period. Progress tends to be gradual and cumulative rather than sudden.
My work is grounded in the belief that therapy should be both thoughtful and deeply human. I draw from psychodynamic and cognitive-behavior therapy, with a strong emphasis on understanding relational patterns and emotional experience.
I work with adults navigating relationship anxiety, relationship stress, and long-standing relationship issues, often alongside demanding professional lives. My approach is collaborative, warm, and insight-oriented. I take therapy seriously and consider it a privilege to sit with people as they make sense of parts of themselves that once felt confusing or overwhelming.
Relationship anxiety can make even the most meaningful relationships feel fragile. But with the right support, it’s possible to feel more grounded, connected, and confident in how you relate to others and to yourself.
If relationship anxiety has been shaping how you show up in your relationship, you don’t have to sort through it on your own. Therapy can offer a place to slow things down, understand what’s happening beneath the surface, and begin responding in ways that feel more grounded and intentional.
Sessions are offered in person in downtown DC, as well as virtually or by phone, depending on your needs and preferences. We can talk together about what feels like the best fit, keeping in mind that the way therapy is accessed can influence how safe and supported the work feels.
If you’re looking for therapists for relationship anxiety in the DC metro area and want to explore whether working together could be a good fit, I invite you to reach out. A brief consultation can help us get a sense of what you’re dealing with and what kind of support might be most helpful right now.